Since I lived in Albany I used to have this blue folder of random things that make me smile. Some things were crazy wacky mass emails that I printed and made me laugh, or were meaningful and had some moral I liked. Others were things or stories me and my friends wrote in email that were funny. Some, which I had long forgotten about, were this collection of brilliant works by my friend "X" (X to protect the not-so-innocent) and I – they are just random "projects" we did in our spare time – which was odd since we were the to busiest people we knew, so I forget when that spare time was. The projects had me rolling off my seat last night as I was watching a movie. In a way though, they were so still relevant to today:
* One was a list of things we both had in our lives – good, bad, gray, indifferent, anything. Foods, people, feelings, places we travel too, things we encounter, how our bodies felt, situations of the time – but the list had hundreds of things on it – and since they were about us they were very indepth but specific. To read back on them some of them sound so wacky, and while this sounds conventional, it was like reading an inventory of your life, but not from a physical point of view – but from all dimmensions. For example, I had surgery or an accident that year so "recovery" was on my list. Good theories and projects (such as this one) was on both our lists! Good answering machine messages (as cell phones were new) were on the list, but wasting time thinking of them was on the list then crossed off as something that we didn’t want to be there anymore. Caller id was on the list (which is so passe now due to cell phones). On my list, parking tickets (which apparently is still on my list). Then of course lots of things I couldn’t give you examples of because they are private or I couldn’t put into print 😉 But then some abstract things like "crushes on people you can’t tell!", or "flirting", "surprise drop-ins", "gifts", "good kissers", "coincidences in ones day" – and something we both enjoyed "getting lots of media attention!" LOL. What a fun thing to look back at and smile and laugh…well if that wasn’t funny….
* We then created a list for Babe the cat. Yes, the cat. In her world, she apparently had to deal with a smaller number of things, likes, and dislikes everyday, but you would be surprised at what we felt she encountered in her life – I think over 100! Some things of note that the cat dealt with or enjoyed (or didn’t enjoy) back in 2002-2004 were: pranks, mom calling on the answering machine to speak with her, catching boyfriends lying, drama, hairballs, Lillith Fair music, quiet time, holiday decorations put up on time and down on time (I think "X" made that up!), overall stress management, annoying people, being looked at and getting attention, flirting, good pom poms. The rest was funny too. You had to be there I guess. I was thinking for stress relief how funny this would be to do for Buster and Babe now.
* The most clever of our projects to share was the "MEMORANDUM!" (say that with evil laughter and spooky music) Being busy young professionals, we had to figure out a way to tell each other the scoop, and like now in my life, and many others, we tend to all get into paterns. Oddly I could have adapted this memo to this year, actually. Sad I guess. But, the memo was about "regularly occurring events and drama, good news and bad" that we just knew and came to realize that would happen on a weekly basis – and used things we always found ourselves saying. I suppose some of the people on the memo wouldn’t have been too pleased. Altough I still speak to and just saw some the two exs on the memo but i don’t think they would mind nor read my website..but they both have a sense of humor! So the memo started first with to/from/date, etc. but then asked for Milk Expiration Date – as we had this crazy fetish for milk expiration dates – as if it was within 2-3 days of it expiring it couldn’t be had. Milk at that time, in our strange world, also had rules about being transported. Not in a paper cup, maybe in a glass cup, other things were debatable. (Understanding Robin and I lived next door or so to each other and used to pretend to need to borrow a cup of sugar, or egg or milk and be suburban domestic like that not because we needed to just to be funny!)
SO anyways, Kory’s regular events went something like: — Boyfriend and I broke up. –Boyfriend and I broke up again. — Boyfriend and I are back together. — Boyfriend and I went to the hospital last night because boyfriend injured for the 100th time his ___ or his ___. –Did I tell you what the evil faghag did today? She ___________? — Exboyfriend ___ called. — He called again. — Other ex boyfriend called ____. — Today I was on the news for _____________. — I am going to the mall to return ________ (That craked me up!) — Last night I went out and looked hot and ____ guys wanted me. I got ___ numbers. — Other
"X’s" List (In summary to not give away privacy) — I was on Lark Street and I saw Albany Gay Man # ___ do you know him? — Last night I went out and __ guys wanted me. — I was on the news again for __. — I heard from ex # 1 or ex # 2. — Boyfriend is coming this weekend! — Im leaving town again this weekend for ____.
Regularly Events for Us Both: — Today I said the funniest thing! I said______________and EVERYBODY laughed. — Today I said the funniest thing! I said______________ and NOBODY laughed. — I have NO money, let’s go eat out! — I have __ days until laundry. — I have __ days until I need groceries. — I have __ days until I need a burrito from the cute guy at the burrito place.
* One of our final projects was the "Drop-In Point System" – It was a game we devised to make life more fun that you got points for simply dropping in for no reason and surprising the other person – because while we lived just a door or two away – we lived in Albany’s downtown brownstone district across from the Governor’s mansion – and it always startled us both when the doorbell would ring – so much so that both of us had this tendency to just simply not answer the doorbell or ignore it like it never happened. (Even now if my doorbell rings I tend to ignore it or get all freaked out – like who is here!?) So points were devised – ie. 1 point for a regular drop in, 2 points during inclement weather, 3 points if the other person at home being dropped in on was naked and had to throw on clothes to answer the door, 4 if the person was on the toilet, 5 if the person was having sex, 5 if the drop in was at a close friend of the person’s house, 2 points to drop in with a local guest, 3 points with a guest from outside Albany, 4 points with a guest who is a family member, 5 points with a guest who is an absconder from prison, 5 points with a guest who is a missing person, and so on.
There were other things in the make you smile file – and others from person "X’ but I hadn’t thought of these in a while – and they were so clever and had me rolling and I haven’t shared them in a while – I will have to drop person "X" a note and maybe figure out a visit. The crazy things you come up with when you are younger and have a much better sense of humor LOL. Anyways – have a great day! KA